


Just A Little Crazy

by flipflop_diva



Category: How I Met Your Mother, Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Dating, F/M, Friendship, Humor, Secret Identity, Undercover, crossovering treat
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-04
Updated: 2015-09-04
Packaged: 2018-04-19 01:28:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,538
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4727609
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/flipflop_diva/pseuds/flipflop_diva
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>They sort of had the impression that the girl Barney was dating wasn't exactly what you'd call normal. But if only they had known ... (A How I Met Your Mother-MCU (mostly Iron Man/Avengers) crossover)</p>
            </blockquote>





	Just A Little Crazy

**Author's Note:**

  * For [foxtwin](https://archiveofourown.org/users/foxtwin/gifts).



> To Foxtwin, I was reading through your prompts and I just _had_ to do this one. It's a little cracky, but I hope you like it! Happy Crossovering!

[Spring 2010]

“No,” Robin said, and she shook her head for emphasis. “No way. Absolutely not.”

“What?” Barney slammed his beer down on the table, shock visible on his face. “What do you mean ‘absolutely not’? Absolutely so!”

Robin shook her head again. “No,” she said. “She won’t go for you. Maria says she’s a model. And speaks Latin. Or something. I don’t know. I wasn’t really listening.”

“Maria?” Marshall piped up, too busy checking for something in Lily’s hair to be paying much attention.

“My adopted cousin,” Robin said. “You know the one.”

“There is no way she is adopted,” Ted said. “You two are practically identical.”

“Please,” Robin said. “We look nothing alike.”

It was Ted’s turn to shake his head.

“Oh!” Marshall said, now looking up. “The CIA girl?”

“She doesn’t work for the CIA,” Robin scoffed. “She works for … I don’t know. Something. I told you, I don’t pay attention to those things.”

“Okay, okay!” Barney broke in. “Enough of the chit chat. We were talking about me. And …” He gestured over to the redhead in the slinky black dress up at the bar who was surrounded by what seemed like at least twenty guys. Though that was no surprise. She was by far the hottest girl MacLaren’s had seen in ages.

“Natalie.” Robin frowned at him. “At least learn her name before you go get shut down by her.”

“Oh, please,” Ted said. “Like you care. You’ve known her for five seconds.”

“I do care!” Robin said. “Well, okay. I don’t _care_. Except Maria asked me to take her around. She’s new or something, I don’t know. But when Maria asks me to do something, I do it. She’s scary.”

“She is not scary,” Lily said. “She is very nice actually. You should invite her over more often.”

“I should invite her over never,” Robin said. “She carries a gun!”

“I thought you said she doesn’t work for the CIA?” Marshall frowned.

“People other than CIA agents have guns,” Robin said.

Marshall was still mulling it over. “But if she did work for the CIA, would she really be able to tell you? Maybe Natalie is her partner. Or …” He stopped, eyes growing wide. “… a target.”

“Okay!” Barney banged his beer glass on the table, making them all jump. “What is wrong with you people? This is about me and how I am going to go bang Natalie.”

Robin picked up her beer. “She’s going to say no.”

“Yeah?” Barney asked. He stood up and spread his arms. “Well, challenge _accepted_.”

•••

“Huh,” Lily said two hours and a lot more beers later. “She really left with him.”

“Oh, god.” Robin closed her eyes and leaned her head back. “Maria is going to kill me.”

“Didn’t Maria sleep with Barney?” Ted asked.

“Yes,” Robin said, without opening her eyes. “That’s why she’s going to kill me.”

•••

Barney was in their booth at MacLaren’s long before the others the next afternoon. By the time they found him, he was paler than normal. And almost shaking. Ted frowned and took a seat.

“Dude,” Ted said. “What is up with you?”

Barney looked around, almost frantically. “Does anyone know I’m here?” he whispered in an exceptionally loud whisper.

“What?” Ted shook his head. “You’re here every day. Everyone knows you’re here.”

Barney slouched lower in his seat.

“Dude, what’s up with you?” Marshall looked at Barney quizzically as he and Lily slid into the booth, Robin right after them.

Barney focused on Robin. “That girl,” he said, still in his loud mock whisper, “Maria’s friend … she is _crazy_. I think she tried to kill me.”

“Oh, god,” Ted said. “Why? Did you try to sleep with her?”

“Of course I tried to sleep with her!” Barney said. “But that was before I saw the knives. _Knives_. I think she had like ten of them!”

“What?” Lily frowned. “You mean she had like a knife in her purse?” She shrugged. “This is New York. Maybe it’s a safety thing.”

“Not in her purse!” Barney whispered. “ _On_ her! Like under her dress! I felt them when I was trying to feel her up.”

The four other occupants at the table just stared at him.

“What?” Barney said. “I’m telling the truth. There were knives!”

“Sure,” Ted said. “There were knives. Good thing you aren’t ever seeing her again then.”

“What?” Barney’s voice returned to normal. “Who said that? I’m meeting her tonight at six. Geez, Ted, don’t be ridiculous.” He scoffed. “Not see her again,” he muttered. “As if.”

•••

They found Barney waiting for them again the next day, still a little pale, still slightly shaking.

“What this time?” Ted asked as he took a seat.

“That girl is _crazy_!” Barney said. He looked all around him, at the entire bar, as if she might be listening. “I think she tried to kill me.”

“With her knives?” Lily asked. She did not sound concerned.

“No!” Barney said. “With her ninja movies!”

“Now she’s a ninja?” Marshall said. He looked at Robin. “Your cousin has weird friends.”

“She’s not a ninja,” Robin said. “She’s a former model who’s a secretary now or something. Works for that big-shot business billionaire guy. You know, the one with the tower? Or something. I don’t know. I didn’t really listen when she was talking to me about it.”

“No, you guys!” Barney interrupted. His voice had lowered — if you could call it lowering — to his really loud whisper. “Get this. We were walking back from dinner. She told me she needed to do something real fast, and then she _disappeared around a corner_. I heard some noise, and later, after she came back and we walked by, there were two dead dudes on the ground. I think she killed them.”

Barney sat back, seemingly satisfied with his story. No one else at the table was that impressed.

“Were they really dead?” Lily said. “Or just some homeless guys sleeping?”

“And how do you get ninja from that?” Marshall asked.

“I just _know_ ,” Barney hissed.

Ted shook his head. “So obviously the five-foot-two redhead you’re dating who barely weighs a hundred pounds killed two men on your way home from dinner as a precursor to killing you.”

“Yes!” Barney’s eyes widened in delight and he pointed at Ted. “Exactly!” He raised his hand for a high-five. Ted ignored him.

“Good thing you’re really not seeing her again then,” Ted said.

Barney lowered his hand and frowned. “ _Why_ do you keep saying that?” he said. “ _Of course_ I’m seeing her again! She’s a ninja. Do you know how flexible she has to be in bed?”

The others just groaned.

•••

The next day they found Barney in the booth, once again waiting for them, but his time he was slumped over, arms crossed, looking morose.

“I’m glad you escaped alive,” Ted said, sliding into the booth next to him.

Barney shook his head miserably. “It was awful,” he said.

“She killed more people?” Lily asked.

“No,” Barney said, as if that was a stupid response. “She didn’t’ show up. The knife-wielding crazy ninja girl stood _me_ up. _Me_.” He shook his head again, like it was all too unbelievable.

“So that challenge,” Marshall said then, “was _not_ accepted?”

Barney scowled as the others smirked.

“Don’t worry,” Ted said. “It’s not a big deal. I’m sure you’ll never think of her again.”

•••

[Two years later]

“Oh. My. God. Barney come here!” Marshall’s voice rang through the hotel suite where everyone was gathered (“Because when the city is being destroyed, why not go somewhere nice?” Barney had argued).

They all found Marshall staring at the TV, pointing at something on it. On the screen, the newscasters were discussing how much greater the damage could have been if the Avengers hadn’t stopped the attack.

“What?” Ted asked. “Is Robin actually on TV?”

“Oh, no,” Marshall said. “I changed it from her station hours ago. Look here.” He moved his finger to the six photos along the bottom of the screen, in particular at the one on the farthest right. “Does she look familiar to anyone?”

Lily, Ted and Barney all frowned and moved a little closer, studying the photo of the redheaded superhero.

Barney gasped first. Then Lily. Then Ted. They all turned to Barney.

“She really was a ninja,” Lily breathed.

“And possibly crazy,” Marshall added. 

“This is great!” Barney cried. He raised his arms like he was ready to praise some higher power. “I totally banged Black Widow! I am practically a superhero myself! The _best_ kind of hero! Amiright?”

He grinned. Ted frowned. “I thought you never actually slept with her?” Ted said.

Barney’s face twisted with horror. “Ted!” he whispered. “Don’t say such a thing. I am Barney. Of course I slept with her.”

Then he yanked open the hotel door and ran out into the hall. They could all hear him shouting, “I banged Black Widow!” as he ran down the corridor.

“We could call Robin and have her call Maria and tell her he’s saying that,” Lily mused. “I bet Natalie — _Natasha_ — might really want to kill him then.”

Marshall smiled. “That would be great,” he said.

“Yeah,” Ted echoed. “That would be great.”


End file.
